the•truth•shall•set•you•free

* * * * * *

Over the weekend, I brought students out for a performance. Two of them were very late, and their reasons, among others, were that they had lost interest and passion for their craft and that asking them to miss church on a Sunday was unreasonable (and they had an important seminar on that Sunday). Being a fellow brother-in-Christ myself, I explained the rationale of being a good testimony at work (school, in their case) versus attending church. I missed church myself that day, but that did not seem to bother me as much as it did them. Was I wrong in chiding them for their irresponsibility in being late for almost 2 hours (to which they duely admitted was their mistake and apologized, which I thought was commendable and christian-like) and telling them the whole big theory of having to sacrifice church at times for work in order that we might be a good testimony to others? Or could it be that perhaps they were the ones on the right track in thinking that nothing else should supercede our precious Sundays with the Lord? Could it be that they are the ones living the sold-out and surrendered life that Jesus really wants from us? And I'm really the one stuck in this silly rat race of work, work and more work? Should I have turned down this Sunday duty in the first place? I don't know. This really bugged me and I've been praying for the Lord's wisdom in this. Wise words, anyone? End-note: During the conversation, one of the students I spoke to cried as she recounted how she had lost her passion over the years. To have to lose something and cry over it, it must have been something precious to her. And I pondered further how the students' passion for the CCA had dwindled over the years, just as everyone had been trying to convince me.

* * * * * *

A student was stressed out by many things happening around him all at once and in a pique of anger, he punched the wall (yes, the real hard, cement wall) till his hands bled. Both his hands. The next day, he came to school looking like he was getting ready for the boxing ring - both his hands were bandaged and his right middle and fourth finger were even bundled together like they had broken. I was aghast. Thankfully, no serious damage was sustained. Or was there? As you might know, sometimes things can get tough on my side and truth be told, I recently did the exact same foolish act of punching my right fist against the lift door. By God's grace, I did not sustain any injury but it led me think realize how angry/hurt/painful/bitter the student might have been to cause him to hit the wall so hard and so many times till he actually bled. And I thought to myself, "Are our kids really living in such stressful times?" I don't remember myself being so angry when I was younger to have to release my anger in such a violent way. End-note: Just as I was typing this, a colleague's child asked me how to read a Chinese character, and it looked like this: 拳. Gosh, talk about timing.

I hope there are enough people out there to know me well enough as I write this. Inasmuch as I should be placing my self-worth in Christ (which I'm frantically trying to do on a daily basis), I can't help it many a time when I seek for man to affirm who I really am. Also in the same week, I was commenting casually to my colleagues over breakfast that a student had been making undesirable comments in class. I joked to the student then that the matter would be brought to the attention of another teacher if he continued doing so. All these (the events in the classroom, not the canteen) transpired in a light-hearted manner, with the class and I laughing at his antics, for we knew he meant no harm. At all. However, according to all sensible laws of communication, what we hope to transmit through our words and actions might not be received in the same way as it was intended to be. The news soon spread, and finally entered the ears of another teacher who, in the end, threatened to take the student out of representing the school in competitions and denying him of his testimonial at the end of the year. I was in shock as I had no intention of reporting whatever that had happened in class to anyone. And I definitely had no intention whatsoever in 'back-stabbing' him by reporting this (or any) incident to anyone behind his back underhandedly. (And even while I'm typing this, I'm worrying that people might think I'm trying to sound nice and earn pity votes. Haiz..) Furthermore, it has to be given to the child that he has indeed changed (much) for the better over the years. And I personally like the child for the way he is crappy but yet gives due respect to teachers. And I also know for sure he is one kind-hearted and non-malicious child. So the first thing I did the next morning was to inform the teacher that the child does not deserve anything less than being sent for the competitions and his testimonial. I also spoke to the child but he did not say anything. The last I tried to do that, he didn't seem too pleased to see me. I guessed the only thing I did wrong, if any, was to talk about students in the canteen. What seemed casual to me had actually caused harm. Granted, teacher talk always revolved around students, but I thought most would be forgotten the minute they were spoken. Alas, I was utterly wrong. I was and am still quite affected by the whole fiasco. I had to take some time to gather my thoughts when I entered my next class after that incident. And I'm still thinking how to resolve the problem, coz it might affect the whole class' morale and that does not bode well. Given my character, I don't like things to lay hidden, so I guess I'll talk to the kid again, though I don't know when yet. Should I even think so much about it? Or am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Well, I can only pray on and trust that the Lord knows my heart and will help me to make sense of all these and the role they play in His sovereign plan. End-note: As I'm typing this, the student-in-question is still running around outside my staff room.