the•truth•shall•set•you•free

i shld really be sleeping.

its 4.04am on a wed morn, and im still awake. juz finished reading a friend's blog (http://hyperreality.blogspot.com/) and waz shocked at the atrocities pple do to get animal fur. anyhow, i juz thot i wanted to blog after reading someone else's blog, so i put on fish leong's 接受 (for no particular reason, other than it waz the first song on the playlist), and logged onto www.blogger.com and here i am.

yesterday waz a rather uneventful day - woke up at 1pm, visited my temp-semi-paralyzed (due to knee ligament op) friend, and then went for BS (which waz abt contentment). perhaps the highlight of the day waz anticipating my posting results.

not long after i woke up, a friend called to ask me where i waz posted to, as his friend had already received her posting. as i waz already out, i cldnt fulfil his (and my) curiousity. nevertheless, it waz aroused, and i started sms-ing pple to ask where they had been posted to. the list ranged fr practicum colleagues to NIE classmates to old friends. (phone bills' gonna shoot up this mth)

as pple replied back, some dismayed, some elated, while others amused, i began to be more and more gan jiong abt my own posting. i usually wldnt be. even when results came out when i waz in uni, i waz nvr in a rush to find out - i cld alwaz wait till i reached home to check my results. furthermore, i usu din not like pple to check my results for me and wld, instead, prefer to see my results first-hand.

however, i waz not myself today - i waz quite desperate to see my posting result. not only dat, i waz willing to let someone else check it for me, thus not being the first person to see my own posting result. i called my mum to open the mailbox and check for me. however, as she wasnt at home, i had to wait till she reached home to know my posting. in fact, i even called my bro to check for me if my mom had reached home with the mail. and in the meantime, the anticipation juz brew and brew and (to be honest), during BS, i waz edgy and fidgety and kept checking my phone, until a friend commented on the discourteous-ness of that.

in retrospect, i think i waz so anxious to find out my posting because deep down inside, i wanted to return to my practicum sch, and i waz anxious to find out if i did. altho i often joked abt not wanting to return to my practicum sch, jokes aside, i realized that after the initial shock and distaste at being posted there for practicum, and the 10 wks with my boys, i have since grown to like the place, especially my students. i waz already missing them the last wk i waz there.

perhaps its juz in my make-up dat i dun take departures dat well. or perhaps seeing/hearing the students wanting me to stay made me feel dat i waz welcomed and wanted, and therefore i wanted to go back. yet, perhaps all these romanticisms only last as long as i am a new teacher - if i had taught for a few yrs already, mabbe i wld be dying to leave any place, or mabbe if i had stayed long enuff, the students wld have been so bored of me they cant wait for me to leave. izzit juz me? or do such contradictory thoughts go thru' your mind as well?

well, mabbe i shld really be sleeping instead..