This same time last year, I wrote on this blog of how God gloriously blessed my students to score well for their mid-year Mother Tongue O Level Paper. This year, though history did not repeat itself (but that is not to say it will not come next February, mind you), I still have to/want to thank God. Coz if I do not, I am simply disregarding God's sovereignty and His perfect plans - that I am only proud of His works when He 'delivers' but keep silent when He seemingly chooses not to bless.
As with last year, my anxiety was growing in intensity as the date of release of the results drew closer. I started praying for my classes since the beginning of this year, when we embarked on the arduous journey called Mother Tongue Exams Preparations. It was a half-year full of ups and downs, no doubt. But I prayed unceasingly, more due to the fact that I had little faith in my prayers and in God and that those prayers seemed to provide some sort of consolation and solace for my constantly anxious heart.
Anyhow, in the days leading up to the release date of the results, there was much unrest in my heart, in part due to the immense amount of pressure bouldered upon our shoulders coz of last year's amazing results, both from the school and from myself (I wanted to prove that last year was not just a fluke); and in part due to the fact I was the only teacher taking 2 O level classes, which was a great challenge for me.
So I prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And prayed. And the Lord reminded me how little faith I have. And how little I trusted Him. I was worried He might not deliver this year, which also meant I had somehow subconsciously believed it was a fluke last year, such that this year He might not 'deliver', no guarantee. Coz if I did trust in His provision and know He is a faithful and never-changing God who likes to bless, then there really wasn't anything for me to be worried about. He will deliver this year. I also forgot the fact that His plans are always sovereign, perfect and the best. Never to harm but always to prosper. And if, for whatever reasons, He chooses to withhold this time round, He is the Creator of all things and is free to give and free to take away as He pleases.
And withheld He did. As my faith increased a little, I went around telling people and my students that we would do very well, like last year. But we did not. However, amazingly, on the day before the results were released and on the day of the release of results itself, I had this peace in my heart that I knew only Jesus could give. It was completely different from the anxiety I had experienced just days before. Somehow, I had this quiet assurance that God knows exactly what He is doing. And I guess that was the way He chose to prepare my heart for the not-so-good news, which thankfully, I was able to take in stride coz of the peace of Jesus in my heart and sadly, many students could not. In fact, I was able to do this, like last year:
The Lord increased my faith, only to test it immediately. It reminded me of Daniel's 3 friends who said those famous words - (speaking to King Nebuchadnezzar) If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up. Such faith! And indeed, God did not abandon them.
Likewise, God did not/have not/will not abandon us this time round. I have faith we will come out tops again come year end. Perhaps its a time to wait, perhaps its a test of our perseverance, I do not know. But I was able to tell my students, with confidence, that I'm very sure many will see their results improve as they re-take their paper again this November. They need to believe that it will happen. Coz I really do have this indescribable faith that the efforts sown will reap its rightful harvest at the appointed time, as I constantly reiterate to my students.
Thank You, Lord for this lesson on faith. That faith as small as a mustard seed, which can be as small as, or even smaller than this full-stop (.) can say to a mountain "Go throw yourself into the sea" and it will. Only if we believe. Thank You, Lord for this precious lesson.
On a lighter note, we really did not perform that badly.
1. For both my classes, they came in 2nd amongst their individual cohort. Which is highly commendable.
2. For 4E4, they got their 100% passes. (Good job, Mr V)
3. For 5A2, they have the lowest Mean Subject Grade and highest passing rate amongst the 3 classes.
4. For both my classes, they have a fair amount of B3s that are just waiting to jump back into their rightful places in the A1/A2 categories.
*End-note I: Dear students of WWL, take heart. Be encouraged.
*End-note II: Dear WWL, this entry is a reminder to yourself that God is faithful and you know it. If you only thanked Him last year coz everything was glorious and perfect and do not dare to make any sound this year coz it is otherwise, then you would made an utter mockery out of His sovereignty and faithfulness. So, remember this lesson well and hard. In your heart.
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